SMOKING…I don’t remember how it started, was it just a curiosity to know the taste of it, to know how others feel after having it? Or how would I feel after having it but what I cannot forget is when I actually started with it. I still can see my friend enjoying the ultimate pleasure of it in front of me and then all of a sudden he insisted me to taste it just for once. I cannot deny the probability that he might have seen the desire in my eyes to taste it.
Though I denied but by the time I was shaking my head in no-no manner he already had put the stick on my lips and with half hearted denial I took the first ever puff of it. Since then it’s been years. I found a true friend in it, and why not… it was with me for everything I faced in my life. It was there to share everything.
Whenever I was happy it added the flavor of happiness to it. When I was sad it helped me to get over it, It helped me to get out of stress, It helped me to avoid my loneliness. It helped me to think better, it took my worries away with its smoke; Infact I always had a reason to have it. Along with it I had a family who cared for me, friends to gossip and share the secrets, a job to fulfill my day to day needs, money to buy a couple of drinks along with sticks for me, a girl who became a synonym for love to me, aspirations to become big, dreams to chase, and many more such beautiful things that makes life beautiful. Life was as easy as 10 to 15 sticks I used to smoke those days..
There were times when friends and family asked me to leave it. They scolded me, they did prayers just for me to quit one of my best friend. But how could I do that when I know that just one puff of it will give me eternal peace after such stupid useless, meaningless lectures to me. “Life is to live and one should do whatever you want, and I was doing it but I don’t understand why everyone is against of my actions. I guess they don’t know how to live. They just go with good / bad social opinions, but I go with my feelings” This is how I used to think at that time. But as a good son and a good friend I used to admire their feeling for me as well. To give full respect to their feeling I often said “I will quit”, but the wish never came from my heart.
They said I can do it…I just need a strong will and “Where there is a will there is a way” but within me I knew that “my WILLS power is more than my will power” and as a result of it I restructured the quote according to me – “WHERE THERE IS WILL THERE IS A WILLS” (‘Wills navy cut’ my brand that time, later I tried many and as a milestone of success I switched to gold flake then classic, Marlboro and many such good brands that themselves depicts my good growth personally as well as professionally.
If I look around I see all of them who were near and dear to me, just wanting me to live, but I chose a different path to live better. I still can see me smiling, swelling with pride when someone asked me to leave cigarette and I countered back “TO LEAVE CIGRETTE I NEED TO THINK AND TO THINK I NEED A CIGRETTE”. People say IT KILLS, and I too understand it, but I have seen people who smoke daily and regularly, still living long comfortable life. It just a
matter of bad luck if someone gets health issues out of this HABIT “you may call it BAD”. I just want to live the way I want and I am happy with it. I believe that not everyone is destined to meet the same fate.
While proving to myself that whatever I am doing is actually not wrong I simply forgot one thing that I too am a character of destiny and it may get cruel to anyone and it has its own way to play. Only Reply I used to get for my logics was…”One should avoid such things that may create circumstances and may give destiny a chance to play cruel”. I didn’t realize it… I didn’t realize when I crossed the line from passion to addiction. I didn’t realize it when I had my first chest pain.
I didn’t realize it when I had my first doctor’s appointment for prolong cough. I didn’t realize it when I had first sleepless night because of restlessness. I didn’t realize it when my legs trembled while taking a step forward.. I didn’t realize it when love of my life asked me to leave it. I didn’t realize it when my mother looked at me with her wet eyes making thousand wishes to god silently. I didn’t realize when my papa scolded me again, which sounded more of a request than a fatherly order.
I wish I could have realized it then…. Today my friends are going for a long drive with their wives and kids. They are laughing, yelling, screaming and enjoying like anything. They have satisfaction of what they have achieved till now and are looking forward for more. Love of my life is getting married to someone, but she still has my gifts with her. There is a long queue to get the tickets for the latest released movie.
Roads and markets are vacant today because of India-Pakistan in world cup final match. My dad is playing with my sister’s one year daughter who has become a fun factor for everyone.. My brother is sitting with a girl at coffee corner and trying to impress her.. One of my friends is trying his luck for 16th time. I hope this time his love life will take a start. There is joy and happiness all around.
Suddenly I see Maa weeping silently while cooking one of my favorite dishes… she mumbled “Ab tak 10 baar poochta… mummy kitni der lagegi … jaldi banao …. Bhookh lagi hai… lekin ab?” …. I saw her and I screamed…” ‘Maa’ look I am here, look at me... listen to me... “But there was no reaction from her side…. Why???
Today I just can see all this from a distance but cannot be apart of it. Today I have everything that cigarette offered me. I am not stressed anymore. I do not have a sad feeling anymore. I don’t need to think about past, present or future. I am relieved. I have freedom. I don’t have to listen to all those boring lectures, as I always wanted TO LIVE LIFE BIG… only difference is that the distance between “ME” and the word “LIFE” has become BIG.
It’s not because of my destiny or I smoked uncountable number of cigarettes but because of the first cigarette that made me fly high that day ….. I AM SIX FEET UNDER THE GROUND today … “A NO SMOKING ZONE”!!!!
